September 8, 2019
Ephesians 2:8 and Luke 18:9-14
Rev Sandy Larson
RECALL NOTICE FROM GOD, The Maker of all human beings:
I, the Lord, Creator of all creation, urgently recall all units manufactured, regardless of make or year. This urgent recall is due to serious defects primarily located in the central component of the heart. This recall is due to a malfunction in the original prototypes (code name=Adam & Eve), resulting in the reproduction of similar defects in all subsequent units.
The technical code for these defects is "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality," commonly known by the acronym, S.I.N. Some symptoms include:
1. Loss of priorities and direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin and purpose.
4. Anxiety and lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish and sometimes violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component.
7. Fear based on negative interaction with other units
8. Irrational responses to “group think,” selfish whims and purely profit-driven fads (such as automobile makes and models and women’s fashion) and: 9. Rebellious attitude and frequent negativity.
WARRANTY: The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for these defects, nonetheless provides life-time factory-authorized repair and service to correct defects. For this emergency service, call Jesus, the Master Repair Consultant and Technician. JESUS guides defective units through a repair consultation and parts refurbishment for their malfunctions. There is no fee or service charge. A sincere “Thank you” is always welcome.
Contact Information: The number to call for all repairs is: P-R-A-Y-E-R. That’s prayer: P-R-A-Y-E-R. We recommend that you add this number to your frequent contacts list. Install the Holy Spirit APP for faster connection time.
You may also contact the God Helpline at any time via 'Knee mail' at HumanUnitRestoration.net.
Once connected to the PRAYER service line, please upload a description of your unit malfunction. The Repair Technician, Jesus, will promptly guide you through repair instructions. No matter how big or small the defect is, Jesus will instruct you with repair or refurbishment of parts, as needed. Some replacement components include:
9. Self control
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES available: Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details concerning repairs or visit your local church for live chat. The BIBLE operating manual is available at HumanUnitRestoration.net, your local church or library, or on Amazon.com.
RATING: We have a 6-star Yelp rating and have 100% satisfaction and gratitude from all consumers who have fully accepted this offer.
WARNINGS: Continuing to operate the human being unit without proper correction may void manufacturer warranties, and may expose the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list. Continued use without repair updates will likely result in the human unit being badly damaged.
If left too long and in too much disrepair, the unit will be sent to the trash site. The human being units that do not respond to this recall and repair action will risk incineration.
LIABILITY: The unit owner him or herself is fully liable for malfunctions.
Please help notify others of this important recall and repair notice.
Thank you for your attention!
God (AKA Yahweh, Allah),
Human Units and General Creation Manufacturing CEO